Actores multifacetados

E é por isso que Radiohead é uma banda de pissa, obrigado por perguntarem.

Oporto

- Estamos em frente a um cavalo.
- De patas no ar?
- Só uma.


- Oh amigo, desculpe, sabe o que é que aquele sinal quer dizer?
- Sei, claro que sei.
- Então, interprete-o lá.
- Oh, eu não posso é mudar de faixa agora.
- Amigo, interprete-me aquele sinal, senão mando-o parar já ali à frente.
- Aquilo quer dizer que é proibido a autocarros.
- Diga?
- Não, que é só para autocarros.
- Ah, e então o que faz nesta faixa?
- Eu queria mudar, mas estou a espera que me deixem passar.
- Você leva o carro cheio, mas isso não significa que seja um transporte público, ninguém aqui pagou bilhete, acho eu... Isto significa via para bus. Você bebeu álcool?
- Não, senhor guarda, em 22 anos nunca bebi uma pinga de álcool!
- Mas devia, para saber os perigos que daí advêm.

Ralé

Agora, quando a Selecção canta o Hino, fá-lo com sotaque brasileiro. Mas isto é Portugal ou é o Brasil B, caralho?

Ao menos metam lá esta menina. Perdemos, mas com classe.

Still Alive and Well

Sempre gostei muito de Lynyrd Skynyrd. Para além de terem umas modas muito engraçadas, são uns fascistas do caralho:

"Last night I heard this politician
Talking 'bout his brand new mission
'Liked his plans, but they came undone when he got around with God and guns

I don't know how he grew up
But it sure wasn't down at the hunting club
Cause if it was he'd understand a little bit more about the working man

God and guns
Keep us strong
That's what this country
Was founded on
Well we might aswell give up and run
If we let them take our God and guns"

E mais outra do novo (sempre com o belo do fascismo a bater ferros lá em cima):

"I was standing there in Dallas
Waitin on a plane
I overheard an old man
Tell a young soldier "thanks"
The young soldier hung his head and said "it's hard to believe
You're the only one who took the time to say a word to me"
And the old man said...

That ain't my America
That aint this country's roots
You wanna slam old Uncle Sam
But I ain't letting you
I'm mad as hell and you know I still bleed Red, White, and Blue
That ain't us
That Ain't My America

It's to the women and men who in their hands hold a Bible and a gun
And they ain't afraid of nothing, when when they're holding either one"

Para mais fascismo, for favor, clique aqui. De nada.

De nada

Fez-se história

6 horas de jogo, em cinco sets a irem todos a tie-break.

Dave Mustaine meets... Stephen King

Mustaine sabe tocar...
Mustaine sabe cantar...
Mustaine sabe tocar ferrinhos...
Mustaine sabe fazer castings!

You're the one Jorge Cadete

you put the ball on the net...

Não percam o próximo episódio...

O anão dinamarquês foi a última vitima:

Dave Mustaine: “Lars said… ‘If you were on the record you got inducted, if you weren’t on the record, you didn’t’ and would I come along and hang out and watch them get inducted? I was like, ‘Dude, that’s so typical!’ It makes for the same kind of mentality as a guy watching some other guy fuck his girlfriend. I just said, ‘I’m flattered and I’m proud of you guys and I wish you well. I’ll be there if I’m being inducted, but if I’m gonna watch then I’ve got better things to do.’ To say that I’m not on the record, well, I’d say that there are 40 million fans with Megadeth and Metallica records in their collections that would say that Dave is on the Metallica records because my name’s on there, but I guess Lars never really looked past the word ‘Ulrich’. He just stopped there and read it again, over and over and over! Bottom line is, I’m going to get into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame one way or another and he can’t keep me out! When I do, I’m going to ask him to induct us and I’m gonna give eggs to everyone in the front row! Ha ha ha!”

A conferir aqui

O Ford Mustang

Deixo aqui umas belas passagens de uma recente entrevista feita ao recentemente eleito "melhor guitarrista de metal", o senhor Mustaine.

"You’ve stated than the new album, Endgame, is the best thing the band has done since Rust In Peace in 1990 – a bold claim given that 1992’s Countdown To Extinction is generally considered Megadeth’s definitive work.
Oh, this is better than Countdown… But that’s just me. You’re the journalist.

[...]


The way I let Jay know [of his sacking] was in a phone call. This is what I said: ‘Hey Jay, this is Dave. Listen, dude, I’ve got some bad news for you. Basically, Jeff’s in and you’re out’.

Ouch.
Yes. Ouch. I was a fucker.

[...]

How did it feel to be No.1 in Joel McIver’s recent book, The 100 Greatest Metal Guitarists?
It was especially sweet when I found out that Joel has written books on Metallica. I looked at my copy of the book – I wasn’t on the cover or the back. I figured I’d be somewhere like No.69. So I thumbed through it; it’s a really comprehensive, good book. I got to No.50 and I thought, ‘Am I in here?’ I’d been told that I was, but not which position. So I got No.16 and I saw Hetfield. I thought, ‘Wow’ because I respect James. I’m a better lead player than he is, but he’s one of the three best rhythm players in the world.

The other two being?
Malcolm Young [of AC/DC] and myself. Malcolm kept it basic but brought a whole new style of rhythm playing to the world. So I got to the Top 10… I still wasn’t in there. Every page I turned, I became more excited. I get to No.5 and it’s Kirk [Hammett], and I thought, ‘Thank you, God’. At that point it didn’t matter [which position I was]. To be better than both of them [Hetfield and Hammett] meant so much – it’s been one of the pet peeves of my career and I’ve never known how to deal with it. I didn’t realise that it has had so much bearing upon my life. Then I got to No.2 and it was John Petrucci [of Dream Theater] and I froze. I was No.1. What made it better still is that the guy wrote: ‘This isn’t about Dave as a person because he’s been a cock’ – [interjects with a bray of laughter] – ‘These four pages are about his guitar playing, which is the best. There are people who are better at one thing that Mustaine does, and others that are better than another, but no-one who’s as good at everything’. All I thought was… I win!"

A conferir aqui

"Mustaine's best work in nearly two decades"

For more information go to: www.megadeth.com

Há dias de sorte!

Por isto...

e por isto...

Knob at night

Peguem lá mais uma foto do génio de Manchester, Karl Pilkington.

Muito me contas...

Rolling Stone: As far as you know, is it true that on the last Metallica tour Cliff Burton was on before he died, the band was planning on firing Lars Ulrich at the tour's end?

Dave Mustaine: That's what Scott [Ian, Anthrax guitarist] told me. He said that when Metallica got home, that James, Cliff and Kirk were going to fire Lars.

A história podia ter sido escrita de outra maneira: http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/29426165/megadeths_dave_mustaine_talks_new_riffs_old_drama/3

The K-Man

Ah, caraças! Não ganhei nada.

No caso de me ter calhado o primeiro prémio eu perguntava lá ao chefe se dava para trocar por uma daquelas de duas patas que estavam em cima do palco...

Um poeta dos nossos tempos

"Show me your genitals"

"Women are only good for three things: cooking, cleaning and vaginas."

"Everyday normal guy 2"



"Everytime I hear that fuckin' shit a tear comes through me eye. Why the fuck did Leonardo di Caprio have to die?"


"Everyday normal crew"

"I Kill People"



"All people burning, all people burning, put your hands up, all people burning, all people burning, this is kinda messed up."

"My lyrics are like the movie The Shawshank Redemption... they're good"

De nada...

This is XFM 104.9

Karl Pilkington - There was a story on the other day, when I was looking for monkey news, about a couple who couldn´t have any kids, right? There was something wrong with them but all they wanted was a kid and they got some dodgy e-mail adress where they could buy a baby online. Right? That was for someone who couldn´t have a kid and could buy it from three grant or something, right? So anyway, they got one, they got pics and that, brilliant. There's the money. They got the baby and everything, they were lovin' it. You know, playin' with him and stuff. As he got older, he got hairier. Turned out they'd been sold a chimp.

Ricky Gervais - You you maniac. You stupid manc twat. Don't talk shit! Don´t talk... ARE YOU.. ARE YOU MENTAL?! You stupid... He got hairier? They born hairy!! THEY DON'T BORN LIKE HUMANS AND DEVELOP HAIR, 'cause they go: 'oh, hold on, we better get the chimp stuff kickin' in now, 'cause we're in the jungle.' Oh, you are just the... the rubbish mad, innit? Mad, innit? Mad, innit?

Neste dia da criança...

Pessoal, tudo a meter baldes de água ao pé das igrejas, que este senhor foi solto há pouco tempo. Eu nem vos devia estar a avisar, o problema é vosso...

Outro dos porquês...

A repetir...

Isto de ir às aulas...

"Se te derem cona ao fundo das escadas não subas à procura de melhor."

Por: um filósofo qualquer que escreveu isto numa mesa da sala 11.

Este mesmo filósofo ainda escreveu mais uma, digna daquelas que se encontram escritas em merda nas casas de psicopatas, mas não se pode ter tudo de uma vez... Qualquer dia boto-a aqui...

Um dos porquês de Mustaine ser o maior

"Droogies!

"Metallica as you know has been selected to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So, it is with much respect that I say 'congratulations!'

"I also had the nice surprise of hearing that they called to invite me to the pre-ceremony party the night before, and then to the actual ceremony. Unfortunately as you all know, I will be winding down our European tour with Judas Priest so I will be unable to attend.

"However, I'd like to say to Lars and James, 'I am so very proud of all you have accomplished. I will continue to pray for the very best for you and your families as I always have.'

"Thank you for the invitation and thinking of me.

"Respectfully yours, Dave Mustaine"

Quem quer ser extraditado?

Lá vai o muito medianozinho filme indiano ganhar a merda do Óscar.

Um dos porquês de Hetfield ser o maior

As únicas dez pessoas do Mundo que viram o Heavy Metal in Baghdad sabem do que estou a falar.

Diz que tem nevado...

Paga isso, pá!

Passagens dos últimos tempos que merecem ser mencionadas de novo:

- Este tipo de seios agrada-me;

- Granada de fumo!;

- O que nós oferecemos aos casais que se vêm casar em casamentos... e, por fim

- Vira esti un prost que, pelo que percebi é um "vai-te foder" em romeno. Ou Húngaro, já não me lembro...

Pagas ou não pagas, BWIN?!

As passagens de moda só servem para ver (algumas) gajas boas, porque, vejamos: a roupa não vale uma merda.

Boas entradas (para esse ketchup)

Certa vez ouvi a bela expressão "Na natureza nada se ganha, nada se perde, tudo se reutiliza" ou, como dizem os eruditos "Na Natureza, nada se cria, nada se perde, tudo se transforma". No outro dia dei por mim a pensar nesta expressão e cheguei à bela conclusão que ainda não foi posta em prática, senão vejamos: imaginemos que eu vou ao McDonalds comprar um hambúrguer e o preto pergunta-me: "Deseja Ketchup?" e eu: "Hum... pode ser". Vai o preto e mete-me dois pacotinhos de ketchup no saco ou no tabuleiro e siga. Mas parem um bocado para pensar no caso de eu não utilizar os dois pacotinhos, só usar um. Pois é, dá grande barraca. Mas eu como sou um gajo que pronto, guardo o pacote que sobrou no bolso de trás. Entretanto, apercebo-me que preciso de mandar uma mensagem a alguém a combinar qualquer coisa, mas, além de não ter dinheiro no telemóvel, já passei o prazo de carregamento e não tenho mensagens à borla ou a pessoa não é 91. Simples: dirijo-me a uma cabine telefónica e, apesar de não ter moedas, tenho o pacote de ketchup que o preto me deu, saco-o do bolso, abro com os dentes e espremo o ketchup para dentro da ranhura que diz "Insira aqui o seu ketchup" e ainda tenho um minuto para falar.

Consegui usar as palavras "barraca", "preto", "bolso", "borla", "moedas", "saco-o", "espremo" e "ranhura" num só post. Racista? Um bocadinho. Nada como uma paragem de dois meses para voltar em à carga com a máxima força! Bom 2009!